To which sex do YOU belong?

When I was a child, I ran with the boys, wrestled with my cousins and built bicycle ramps that always inevitably failed.  I hated wearing dresses and refused to wear the color pink.  Flash forward 25 years.  I cut my curly hair for piecey spikes.  Little by little my hair was cut shorter and shorter, until I had a bonafide “boy” haircut.  Yet somehow it didn’t work.  I felt too masculine, even in a dress.  I had a hard time coming to terms with wanting to feel more feminine.  I spent the majority of my growing up years proving to myself and others that I was not a girly girl and could handle myself against anyone.  Now, in a dress, full makeup and accessories, I was not girly enough.  What’s wrong with me?!

There was a time when everyone was expected to fit into one of two genders.  So when my wife and I were sitting on my grandmother’s couch telling her we were about to get married, it was only natural for her to question us.  This was, by the way, the first time my grandmother was hearing anything about me being gay.  So after trying to reassure both of us that we were nice looking women and that “surely we could find ourselves some nice men”, she wanted to know “which is which?”.  I was confused by this question and just sat there.  Fortunately, my better half understood and explained that we didn’t have to pick a gender.  My grandmother, child of the bi-gender era, needed us to fit in her box.  She needed to know who was going to take on the male role and who was going to take on the female role.

So it is interesting to me, now, that I am having that struggle with myself.  Am I not a lesbian with many transgendered friends?  I understand that people are born with the wrong genitalia.  I can remember wondering as a child why I wasn’t a boy.  But I didn’t want to be boy, even though I didn’t like being a girl.

Today, I don’t have anything to call it, but I like being a girl.  Some days I just feel more like a boy so I will wear boy clothes and be a little more masculine.  Not that I go out and work on the car, it could be my day to do laundry (boys do laundry, right?).  Other days I feel like having a good sweat, but wear my short shorts because I also want to feel sexy.  I know that I don’t have to be 100% female, even though I identify as a woman.  It’s strange how, even in the LGBT community, we try to label ourselves and fit into neat boxes.  Maybe that is just us wanting to be normal in the greater society.  In any case, I have come to terms with feeling more feminine than I once thought I wanted to be.  So now my question is, what combination of genders are you?

Pilot Episode

When I came out as a lesbian between 2005 and 2008 (this process generally doesn’t happen in a day), I experienced some challenging reactions from friends and family. It took many years to become comfortable holding the hand of my wife in public. Then I decided to dread my curly locks. To my surprise, this resulted in a more visible reaction from the general public.

When holding hands with my wife on the sidewalk, people would smile, look down at our hands, and then get a weird expression on their faces. When I walked down the street with dreads, the reactions were stronger and immediate. People would stare as if I had just landed on a spaceship. It should probably be mentioned that I live in a conservative town of approximately 20,000 people. Still, this is a town where people prefer to keep to themselves, and this blatant staring was unusual. I mean, isn’t that something we do from around the corner or with our peripheral vision?

Needless to say, being a lesbian with dreads in a conservative Kansas town has given me many stories, and I’m sure many stories to come. My blog will relive past adventures, tell of current ones, and look at other events from my dreaded lesbian perspective.